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The basic idea goes
like this:
In a "traditional" boy-meets-girl situation, the girl makes a
decision early on whether you're the type of guy that she should get
physically involved with quickly (spelled A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-V-E) or if
you're of the "nicer" type (spelled W-U-S-S-Y) that would be glad to
"prove" yourself to her by paying for lots of expensive dates,
buying flowers, etc.
I realize that I'm generalizing here, and that I'm being a bit
extreme... but I'm making a point, so go with me.
A very common approach that men use is the old "Can I take you out
sometime?" line.
At first glance, it sounds innocent enough.
It has the ring of "I'm a nice guy, and I'd like to take you to
dinner so I have a chance to get to know you better" to it, right?
Well, it may seem that way at first glance, but let's get a little
deeper into what ELSE you're saying when you ask a question like
this one (or start off by paying for dinner, etc.).
Here are a few of the OTHER LESS OBVIOUS things that you're saying
when you offer to "take a woman out".
1) You're starting off the relationship RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING by
offering to buy something for her, and, more importantly YOU'RE
SETTING AN EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this, you're
setting an expectation that you're going to do this from NOW ON.
2) You're subtly saying "I feel like I need to use a bribe to get
you to see me again". I'm sure that men have been bribing women with
food and gifts since the dawn of our species. Does this sound
far-fetched to you? Check out how our closest relatives, the chimps
use food to persuade females to have sex with them. No, really.
3) Once you "take a woman out" and prove to her beyond the shadow of
a doubt that like to pay for things, you set a whole series of other
unconscious expectations in place. Without going into detail, most
of these other expectations will only lead to her thinking of you in
the "nice guy" category, and costing you time and money that you
might as well have thrown down a rat hole.
4) By going out to a typical nice restaurant setting, you start a
whole chain of events that often leads to two people looking at each
other over a candle, in a loud room full of other people, with a
typical uncomfortable "OK, so tell me about yourself and don't ask
me too many personal questions please" look on your faces.
I don't know about you, but this just isn't my idea of a good time.
So what's the alternative?
Thought you'd never ask.
Well, as I said earlier, the first thing you might consider doing is
NOT ASKING WOMEN "OUT" ANYMORE.
Instead, just say "Do you have email?" and if she does, hand her a
pen and say "Great, write it down for me." Then, follow up by
inviting her to join you for a cup of tea and some stimulating
conversation. Here's an example email for you:
"Hi, it was fun talking yesterday... I'm thinking that we should get
together tomorrow for a cup of tea and some stimulating
conversation. You seem like you might make a nice friend."
Then, if you're REALLY cheap, show up 5 minutes late so she buys her
own tea and is waiting for you. You can even say "How inconsiderate
of you... where's mine?"
Here's the key:
IF YOU WANT TO BE A MAN THAT SHE FEELS ATTRACTED TO, THEN QUIT
ACTING LIKE ALL THE OTHER GUYS THAT TRY TO BUY HER ATTENTION WITH
FOOD AND GIFTS.
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